I found John at Modern Mental Health in desperation (and by a stroke of luck) when I thought all standard treatment options for anxiety and depression had been exhausted – he was the only NP or Psychiatrist that could see me in a timely manner. I was struggling with many things – pretty severe anxiety about basically anything, pulling away and having rocky relationships with my family and friends because of my poor mood, irritability, tendency to “snap” and only focus on the negative. I was still performing at work, but it was getting more and more difficult to hide the toll that my mental health and state of mind was taking. Something needed to change, and I will be forever grateful for the Google search that led me to MMH.

 

After going through the standard screening questions, he started probing about my behavior – emotional dysregulation and disproportionate reactions to situations, disorganized thought patterns, getting irritated at the tiniest things that shouldn’t bother a person, stress – and after the intake he told me I had classic ADHD symptoms. I probably looked like someone slapped me in the face because while I was prepared for a diagnosis of some sort – that was not the one I was anticipating. I was a stellar student in school, played sports, and generally thrived as a kid and adolescent. I am on the introverted side, and was never described as disruptive, excelled in college, and over the last 10 years have built a very successful career in sales and supply chain. But – looking through the years, there are behaviors that I had – hyper focus on things that interest me, wanting to jump from one task to the other without completing any of them, getting really excited about a new hobby and then dropping it like a hot potato two weeks later, procrastination and forgetfulness – that point to this now very obvious diagnosis that was probably hidden in some ways because I was generally seen as successful in school, work, socially, athletically.

 

Having an answer to many of the challenges I have faced over the last two decades of my life and getting appropriate medication and therapy for ADHD has been an absolute life changer for me. I wouldn’t have expected to be diagnosed with ADHD at 34, but this diagnosis and subsequent treatment has turned out to be a lynchpin for so much: my anxiety has vastly decreased and with it, my depression. My moods are stable and predictable. I sleep better, I have energy to do the things I like to do, read, practice yoga, cook, craft. I was doing well at my job prior, but since beginning this journey, my confidence in my work has increased and has been noticed by customers, superiors, and peers alike – and it is showing in the metrics – and maybe more importantly, in my enthusiasm and enjoyment of what I spend so much of my time doing. I recently got married, and had it not been for this diagnosis and the changes that have occurred in my life as a result, I truly do not believe I would have been able to effectively plan a wedding (and do a lot of it myself!). 

 

The day I was diagnosed, after the initial shock wore off, there was an overwhelming sense of relief that there was hope to feel better and to live a more whole, fulfilling life that did not revolve around my anxiety, “glass half empty” mentality. By accepting the diagnosis – voraciously learning about it, reflecting on and forgiving myself for not knowing why I behaved how I did sooner, by reframing and embracing that ADHD is not a detriment, it is merely a trait that I have that requires a little bit of a different approach to things – work, social situations, day to day tasks (but also affords me the opportunity to bring a unique perspective!)…I have grown immensely as an individual and it has helped cultivate, strengthen, and in some cases – repair – relationships in my life. I will be forever grateful for this diagnosis, the changes that have been made, and the doors that it has opened. My life is forever changed.